An Epidemic of Assholes #10

  Recently I have noticed that people are becoming increasingly narcissistic. On Thursday we went to dinner to one of our favorite Thai restaurants. The restaurant is located in a fairly trendy and touristy area so we only go on weekdays or really early on the weekends. No matter when we go parking is almost always a nightmare but, we don't mind walking as the area is pretty neat. If the parking lot and main street are congested we usually expect about an extra 10-20 minutes to find a spot on one of the side streets.
  This time it took closer to 30. First we had to tail behind two teenage girls walking down the center of the street. They looked back and saw us and did nothing to move out of the way. Finally we got very very close to hitting them and they moved just enough so we could get by. Then, we came across a double parked car with all of the doors sitting open. This area doesn't have unreasonably narrow streets so someone could normally drive around a double parker, but not like this. Like this we were stuck we couldn't back up as people were piling up behind us, and we couldn't go around without knocking off their door. So we honked, and honked, finally some man casually walks out of a building and gives us a dirty look and a middle finger.
 
I ask you, what is wrong with people today? This blogger believes everyone has lost their fucking minds. I also think this all has a lot to do with the devastation that is reality television. You aren't convinced you say? People aren't that bad, that was just a coincidence you say?

Yesterday, leaving a local farmers market parking lot. A silver Nissan almost t-boned me. Why? Besides the fact that she was coming from the wrong way on a one way street and running a stop sign, the pubescent driving the vehicle was on her phone. The she stopped in the middle of the intersection further blocking traffic to give me a face that said, "How dare you be in my way?? Don't you know I'm me? Don't you know that I am on the phone and cannot be distracted by your silly screeching tires and honking horn?GAWD!"

This all has a lot to do with reality television, I am sure of it. Let me first define reality television. Reality television is not a game show such as, Survivor, Amazing Race, The Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, America's got Talent, Hell's Kitchen, Flavor of Love, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette,  so on and so on. These are simply more dramatic versions of the game shows that populated early television. These are nothing but people on a television show for a known prise, they are challenged, and whoever overcomes

 

the most challenges wins the prise. Whether that prise may be a man a woman, cash, or a house. These are all nothing but game shows.

Now reality television, has no prise, the prise is being on television. There still may be challenges but no prise. Some would even include small prises for individual challenges but no overall prise to be attained. This would include, Real World, The Bad Girls Club, The Hills, Teen Mom, The Girls Next Door, Celebrity Rehab (which is interesting because there does seem to be a coveted prise; sobriety, but no one ever wins) Basketball Wives, The Real Wives, and the worst JERSEY SHORE. I have never seen Jersey Shore, but I have seen the repercussions of it. These shows glamorize bad behavior, a lack of common sense, and a overall incapacity for morality. Let me ruin a little bit of this America, surprise surprise reality TV script writing is becoming a very popular career to pursue. No, not everything is written word for word but those dramatic scenes that they highlight on commercials are very possibly a fabrication.

Unfortunately, these fabrications, in bodyand in mind. Have become our nations, role models. We watch the Bad Girls Club run all over LA getting into fights and kicked out of clubs, and develop the same since of entitlement. We do whatever we want because that's how "real" people act. We hold nothing back because that's what Snooki does. If she's fascinating then so are you. Well let me tell  you something America. You are very rapidly becoming a nation of narcissists, and people like me will not put up with it for much longer.

I don't  know how many classes I can stand to sit in as you take over with your lies and personal stories that have nothing to do with anything. I will not stand your facebook status updates that do not include a single word listed in the English dictionary. I will not stop at green lights because you are too busy texting, putting on makeup, talking on your phone, or simply not paying attention to the fact that your light is red. I will not let you get in front of me in lines at the post office, because you were too dumb to pull a number. I will not ignore your ridiculous conversations at mutual places, so full of fallacies it makes me want to vomit. No capers are not fish eggs, and no NPR does not stand for national private radio, run by communists.

I ask those of you absolved by this epidemic to stand with me. Stand for truth, personal space, and morals. Be silent no longer, stand for what is right, show these assholes that they cannot continue to ruin all that is sacred.

# 9 The Human Centipede (2009)

Let me start by saying, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???!!! This movie was the most crazy thing I have ever seen, and I have recently Googled tentacle erotica.

Let us start from the beginning shall we?

We start by finding our villain sitting next to a highway masturbating to a picture of a dog, oh wait that's three dogs... oh shit that is three dogs taking it ass to mouth. whoa. Ok.

He then gets out of his car and follows another motorist who pulled over to take a poop on the side of the road, apparently there are no rest stops in Germany. We see him take out a dart gun and shoot the pooping driver, end scene.

We meet two of the three protagonists (two very young and attractive American tourists) in a German hostel asking directions to a night club from the concierge. After taking no notes on the directions, they head out into the night in high heels short shorts, and no spare tire. Instead of stopping when they realized they were going the wrong way they continued driving deeper down a dark road in the middle of the woods. Of course the get a flat. The only sign of help was a perverted motorist who undoubtedly would have raped them both, although considering the ultimate outcome that might have been preferable. The girls decide to walk and look for help. Instead of following the road they came from they for some unexplained reason venture into the woods. Because we all know people that would help some stranded tourists live in the middle of the woods like a hermit, instead of people who live on the main road. Duh. As soon as they enter the woods, it starts raining, of course.

After some really bad acting the girls finally manage to find a house.

 Lucky for our villain guess who's house they happen to find? Yep the only psychopath in a 20 mile radius. Of course he lets them in, and offers them a poisoned laced glass of water each.

After a dramatic effort to get one of the girls to drink it, he subdues both of them. They wake up sometime later in small hospital room in his basement on stretchers. Next to them they find the pooping motorist also drugged and gagged. The doctor decides that he doesn't like the male he picked up at first, so he kills him and brings home a feisty Japanese man instead. Now the search is complete we learn that our villain is the top surgeon in the world infamous for separating Siamese twins, well he's retired now and sick of separating and is ready to put some people together.

His monologue to explain his master plan included a slide show of exactly how the operation would go down. Also I think it is worth mentioning that the Japanese man does not speak English at all so all he understands are these photos. So I'm sure all of this is much worse for him, because he doesn't have a clue as to what is happening.  

You can figure this out from the pictures. It's gross, got it. Now, an avid movie watcher like me would expect this to go live, at the very end. Meaning that we would get one quick look at this disgusting thing in action very briefly at the end of the movie, but no that's not how it worked at all. After a quick escape attempt the doctor successfully completes the operation with an hour left in the movie. So we see everything. Oh and the one girl who tried to escape was punished by being placed in the middle position. Yuck.

The day all three wake up they are surprised to say the least that he actually did it. The doctor celebrates by joyfully dancing around them as the girls sob and the man (in the first position) screams.

This is getting more unsettling by the minute. Sorry about all of the pictures but I wouldn't believe this if I were reading this and not seeing it.

 Anyways, we follow this unfortunate trio through longer than I would have expected, it must have been at least a couple of weeks because their faces looked like they were healing. We even got to see how the second two were fed. Yup, it was the poop of the one in front of them.

This movie is really crazy and leaves you hanging at the end. I won't give it all away, you are just going to have to see it for yourself. I don't know if I would recommend this movie to anyone or not. The acting wasn't that bad and the graphics were pretty good, but the content was well... just plain gross. Ok, I've decided, you should watch it. You won't believe it if you don't.