An Epidemic of Assholes #10

  Recently I have noticed that people are becoming increasingly narcissistic. On Thursday we went to dinner to one of our favorite Thai restaurants. The restaurant is located in a fairly trendy and touristy area so we only go on weekdays or really early on the weekends. No matter when we go parking is almost always a nightmare but, we don't mind walking as the area is pretty neat. If the parking lot and main street are congested we usually expect about an extra 10-20 minutes to find a spot on one of the side streets.
  This time it took closer to 30. First we had to tail behind two teenage girls walking down the center of the street. They looked back and saw us and did nothing to move out of the way. Finally we got very very close to hitting them and they moved just enough so we could get by. Then, we came across a double parked car with all of the doors sitting open. This area doesn't have unreasonably narrow streets so someone could normally drive around a double parker, but not like this. Like this we were stuck we couldn't back up as people were piling up behind us, and we couldn't go around without knocking off their door. So we honked, and honked, finally some man casually walks out of a building and gives us a dirty look and a middle finger.
 
I ask you, what is wrong with people today? This blogger believes everyone has lost their fucking minds. I also think this all has a lot to do with the devastation that is reality television. You aren't convinced you say? People aren't that bad, that was just a coincidence you say?

Yesterday, leaving a local farmers market parking lot. A silver Nissan almost t-boned me. Why? Besides the fact that she was coming from the wrong way on a one way street and running a stop sign, the pubescent driving the vehicle was on her phone. The she stopped in the middle of the intersection further blocking traffic to give me a face that said, "How dare you be in my way?? Don't you know I'm me? Don't you know that I am on the phone and cannot be distracted by your silly screeching tires and honking horn?GAWD!"

This all has a lot to do with reality television, I am sure of it. Let me first define reality television. Reality television is not a game show such as, Survivor, Amazing Race, The Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, America's got Talent, Hell's Kitchen, Flavor of Love, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette,  so on and so on. These are simply more dramatic versions of the game shows that populated early television. These are nothing but people on a television show for a known prise, they are challenged, and whoever overcomes

 

the most challenges wins the prise. Whether that prise may be a man a woman, cash, or a house. These are all nothing but game shows.

Now reality television, has no prise, the prise is being on television. There still may be challenges but no prise. Some would even include small prises for individual challenges but no overall prise to be attained. This would include, Real World, The Bad Girls Club, The Hills, Teen Mom, The Girls Next Door, Celebrity Rehab (which is interesting because there does seem to be a coveted prise; sobriety, but no one ever wins) Basketball Wives, The Real Wives, and the worst JERSEY SHORE. I have never seen Jersey Shore, but I have seen the repercussions of it. These shows glamorize bad behavior, a lack of common sense, and a overall incapacity for morality. Let me ruin a little bit of this America, surprise surprise reality TV script writing is becoming a very popular career to pursue. No, not everything is written word for word but those dramatic scenes that they highlight on commercials are very possibly a fabrication.

Unfortunately, these fabrications, in bodyand in mind. Have become our nations, role models. We watch the Bad Girls Club run all over LA getting into fights and kicked out of clubs, and develop the same since of entitlement. We do whatever we want because that's how "real" people act. We hold nothing back because that's what Snooki does. If she's fascinating then so are you. Well let me tell  you something America. You are very rapidly becoming a nation of narcissists, and people like me will not put up with it for much longer.

I don't  know how many classes I can stand to sit in as you take over with your lies and personal stories that have nothing to do with anything. I will not stand your facebook status updates that do not include a single word listed in the English dictionary. I will not stop at green lights because you are too busy texting, putting on makeup, talking on your phone, or simply not paying attention to the fact that your light is red. I will not let you get in front of me in lines at the post office, because you were too dumb to pull a number. I will not ignore your ridiculous conversations at mutual places, so full of fallacies it makes me want to vomit. No capers are not fish eggs, and no NPR does not stand for national private radio, run by communists.

I ask those of you absolved by this epidemic to stand with me. Stand for truth, personal space, and morals. Be silent no longer, stand for what is right, show these assholes that they cannot continue to ruin all that is sacred.

# 9 The Human Centipede (2009)

Let me start by saying, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???!!! This movie was the most crazy thing I have ever seen, and I have recently Googled tentacle erotica.

Let us start from the beginning shall we?

We start by finding our villain sitting next to a highway masturbating to a picture of a dog, oh wait that's three dogs... oh shit that is three dogs taking it ass to mouth. whoa. Ok.

He then gets out of his car and follows another motorist who pulled over to take a poop on the side of the road, apparently there are no rest stops in Germany. We see him take out a dart gun and shoot the pooping driver, end scene.

We meet two of the three protagonists (two very young and attractive American tourists) in a German hostel asking directions to a night club from the concierge. After taking no notes on the directions, they head out into the night in high heels short shorts, and no spare tire. Instead of stopping when they realized they were going the wrong way they continued driving deeper down a dark road in the middle of the woods. Of course the get a flat. The only sign of help was a perverted motorist who undoubtedly would have raped them both, although considering the ultimate outcome that might have been preferable. The girls decide to walk and look for help. Instead of following the road they came from they for some unexplained reason venture into the woods. Because we all know people that would help some stranded tourists live in the middle of the woods like a hermit, instead of people who live on the main road. Duh. As soon as they enter the woods, it starts raining, of course.

After some really bad acting the girls finally manage to find a house.

 Lucky for our villain guess who's house they happen to find? Yep the only psychopath in a 20 mile radius. Of course he lets them in, and offers them a poisoned laced glass of water each.

After a dramatic effort to get one of the girls to drink it, he subdues both of them. They wake up sometime later in small hospital room in his basement on stretchers. Next to them they find the pooping motorist also drugged and gagged. The doctor decides that he doesn't like the male he picked up at first, so he kills him and brings home a feisty Japanese man instead. Now the search is complete we learn that our villain is the top surgeon in the world infamous for separating Siamese twins, well he's retired now and sick of separating and is ready to put some people together.

His monologue to explain his master plan included a slide show of exactly how the operation would go down. Also I think it is worth mentioning that the Japanese man does not speak English at all so all he understands are these photos. So I'm sure all of this is much worse for him, because he doesn't have a clue as to what is happening.  

You can figure this out from the pictures. It's gross, got it. Now, an avid movie watcher like me would expect this to go live, at the very end. Meaning that we would get one quick look at this disgusting thing in action very briefly at the end of the movie, but no that's not how it worked at all. After a quick escape attempt the doctor successfully completes the operation with an hour left in the movie. So we see everything. Oh and the one girl who tried to escape was punished by being placed in the middle position. Yuck.

The day all three wake up they are surprised to say the least that he actually did it. The doctor celebrates by joyfully dancing around them as the girls sob and the man (in the first position) screams.

This is getting more unsettling by the minute. Sorry about all of the pictures but I wouldn't believe this if I were reading this and not seeing it.

 Anyways, we follow this unfortunate trio through longer than I would have expected, it must have been at least a couple of weeks because their faces looked like they were healing. We even got to see how the second two were fed. Yup, it was the poop of the one in front of them.

This movie is really crazy and leaves you hanging at the end. I won't give it all away, you are just going to have to see it for yourself. I don't know if I would recommend this movie to anyone or not. The acting wasn't that bad and the graphics were pretty good, but the content was well... just plain gross. Ok, I've decided, you should watch it. You won't believe it if you don't.

#8 Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

Let me start by admitting that I watched 45% of this movie with my eyes open. What of it my husband and I heard over my screams and an on going argument over whether I can survive finishing the movie with the light on or not, made the plot slightly confusing. Then there was the three pauses so I could find the dog (I don't like movies that hurt puppies). I am not usually this big of a wuss something about this movie and its predecessor kills me every time.

Excluding all of the distractions, this was an overall good movie. Staring a bunch of nobodies including the two from the original Katie Featherson, and Micah Sloat. What they don't tell you in the previews is that this is actually a prequel to the original. With much better camera work. Instead of the whole film shot Blair Witch style, after the house is ripped to pieces by their first paranormal event, which they rationalize as a break in, the family decides to install a house wide surveillance system instead of an alarm system. Which is sort of impractical and silly but it makes the quality of the movie much better.

In this movie we understand all of the missing pieces from the first movie, why the demon is after Katie's family. It turns out some distant ancestor sold their linage's first born male to the demon for wealth. Unfortunately, it took almost 50 years for a male to be born in that family. Cue in Katie's sister's son Hunter. So long story short with help from Google Hunter's step sister and father figure out what's going on and send the demon, which is now possessing Katie's sister into Katie, because she does not have a child. Sorry Micah it's not gonna work out for you.

I'm guessing they choose to ignore the alternate ending from the original because it wouldn't make this ending make any since. Instead of killing herself Katie comes back to her sister's house to finish everybody else off. Even though in the closing credits of the first movie it said she was never seen again. I guess in films nowadays we pick and choose what we feel is important when making a sequel. GOD that pisses me off. The ending was stupid anyway. They were off to a decent start I was officially completely freaked out and I am sure my husband will have a scar from how tight I was holding on to him. Then they had to bring me back to reality by fucking with logic. DAMN IT!

Anyways, it was a good enough movie, just don't watch the end of it if you have a brain or have seen the first one. I am still a little freaked out from it. Which is sad, you never saw anything really scary in the movie it is all psychological. The BOOM sound in a silent house, the thought that there is something else in the house is terrifying. So much so I have had to listen to my Charlie and The Chocolate Factory soundtrack for most of the morning to get my mind off of it! Screw you scary movie zombie movies are better anyways.

Speaking of zombies, I have decided that the first TV blogisode will be about The Walking Dead, in fact I am adding it to my queue right now. It will be a while it's at the end of a VERY long list.

#7 Whip It (2009)

First, a small disclaimer: I was a speed skater for a while. It was something I really enjoyed and miss more than I would like to admit.

Speed skating and roller derby are completely and utterly different sports, seriously oil and water. Every night after practice the roller derby girls would come in, and they are badass true to form. They kickass every night, and they do it sexy which is hard to manage on four wheels. This just was not my thing. That was how I walked into this movie, with the same bad taste in my mouth that I got every time my team was compared to roller derby, that was until I watched the movie.

Staring Ellen Page, Drew Barrymore, Kristen Wiig, and several other powerful female actresses. Barrymore actually directed it as well, Wiig is my current SNL fav and Page I adore, she is on the top of my lesbo list, and favourite actors list as well.

 I think this movie was very accurate at what it feels like to be on a team, a team that becomes your family. It also portrays how hard it is to juggle the things you are passionate about and the ones you love.

This girl loves her mother and doesn't mind giving in to her ridiculous ideals but, when she finds something she loves she feels conflicted, not wanting to disappoint her mother or her new found friends. I will not go into detail with the love interest because I could have done without him. In fact I could do without most skinny jean wearing clones, he looks like he smells.

Anyways, the main reason I wanted to discuss this movie was not about the movie itself, it's about the soundtrack. It is amazing. The record Page puts on at the first party, is by a band called Little Joy, which is a Brazilian/American rock band, including the Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti, Rodrigo Amarante, and Binki Shapiro. The only way to describe them is, very simple and fresh. I have to say I am falling for this band, which is strange as I do not like this kind of music, it is worth seeking out.

The rest of the soundtrack is good too, including Jolene by Dolly Parton. I know I know, just try it, you won't regret it.

There are very few soundtracks that I notice, one of the others I am considering blogging about next, but I like the movie too much to full a blog about the music alone. Decisions, decisions...

True Grit (2010)

Let me start off by saying WOW, I really really enjoyed this movie. I have seen the original and I do not think it would be fair to compare the two. My husband has helped me fall in love with John Wayne; we must own at least 20 of his movies, of which I have watched them all.

I say that it would not be fair to compare the two because, at the time the original was made movies didn't show people getting shot in the face, or fingers getting lopped off. Movies weren't as realistic as they are now, so this 2010 version had the luxury of being more true to the book, than the 1969 version.

Starring Jeff Bridges, Hailee Steinfeld, and surprisingly enough Matt Damon. Let's go character by character this time shall we? 

Jeff Bridges shared the Duke's character of Rooster Cogburn; it wasn't the same at all. Bridges made it his own and did a wonderful job turning Rooster in something only the Coen brothers could dream up. I love the Duke but I don't imagine real cowboys looking as clean-shaven or as sharp as he. Bridges' Cogburn was nasty, drunk, and believable. The Duke's rendition was a little on the softer side.

Steinfeld, who at only 15 took my breath away, played Mattie. She reminded me of a young Judy Garland. I only hope she does as well, minus the drugs and terrible life.

 

Matt Damon, umm where the hell did this come from? In the original I thought LaBouf was a background character at the most, Damon brought it to life. All I thought I knew about Damon has changed; he is really someone to keep your eye on.

As you can tell I have a lot to say about this film, which is because it was truly a joy to watch. It had everything in it you would hope of a classic western, comedy, blood, gore, a damsel in distress, and the good guy always wins. If you aren't sure what the next film you should see is, let me tell you it's True Grit.

Also, please leave a comment and let me know what you think!

#5 The Social Network (2010)

I know last time we ended with considering a Star Trek movie, and I did consider it. Then I decided that if you wanted to read my Star Trek blog you would, and that it wouldn't be fair to my Treky fans out there. Also, I didn't get a chance to watch it, not that I would really need to watch it again to blog about it. I have seen all of the TNG movies so many times I know them by heart.

Anyways.... The Social Network starring Jesse Eisenberg, you know the curly haired kid from Zombieland? Ooo Zombieland was a good one, mental note. 

Also unfortunately starring Justin Timberlake. I know this was supposed to be his big break-out role as a serious actor, but I wasn't convinced. I think he did a terrible job, and ruined every scene he was in for me. If you ask me he should just go back to what he knows.  

Overall the movie was good, I guess. I don't think it will deserve the Academy Award it most undoubtedly will receive. I think the movie made Mark Zuckerberg look like a creepy jerk. I have seen almost all the videos available of his lectures at various meetings at colleges and have always found him to be a well spoken person.

He is likened to Rainman in this movie, which I refuse to believe is true. I know you have to have that certain something about you to be able to start something like Facebook, but that does not always include being a hermit like asshole. I don't know I think this movie just rubbed me the wrong way somehow. I think Eisenberg did an amazing job, not as Zuckerberg but at changing his demeanor, he is almost always a nerd, but this time he played an outright jerk as well.

I haven't gotten to TV yet, and that is not without trying. There has been very little good TV lately, if it's out there I must be missing it because pickings are slim. I will keep you updated on that front.

On a final note, to those of you who emailed me about the buried kitty pic from last week. Let us not be stupid, no kitties are hurt in the making of this blog.

#4 Buried (2010)

Sometimes I truly wish I could enjoy a film without putting so much thought into it. I fear yet again I have put way too much thought into a silly movie. Also on a different note, my husband brought to my attention all of the massive typos in the third addition to this blog, my sincerest apologies to all of you. Now if you don't mind back to the business at hand.

Buried (2010) starring Ryan Reynolds, who I usually enjoy. At least I thought so, until the one part I apparently do enjoy is missing :

This film wanted to have a political statement, it really did. Reynolds put extra emphasis on IRAQ every time he said it, the word government was dropped often and still this was not as politically oriented as they obviously wanted to be. It is hard to make a political statement about a war when it becomes so obvious that the writer knows nothing about the war except one area where the war is happening, and various names of state departments.

Besides that I thought it was a good movie, I think that a better statement that was made was about governmental bureaucracy in America. I think the events that unfolded in this film are a very realistic possibility if someone was buried alive by terrorists which saddens me.

I thought Reynolds' acting was to be expected, and I was curious why he was chosen for this film. He is usually in films for exactly what I have come to look forward to, his crazy body, and occasionally he brings back the goofy guy from Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place, but almost never is he the serious actor. I don't think I've ever seen him as the serious actor basing nothing on his looks.

  I thought the filming of this was clever and never felt like it was filmed anywhere besides the interior of a coffin, I felt claustrophobic just watching. The dialogue left something to be desired, but over all the film was okay. It's definitely a renter, I'm glad I didn't spend $10 to watch a guy in a box on a movie screen. More of the movie was dark than not. I was comfortable spending $1 at the Redbox for this one, and glad I didn't get this in blu-ray.

For next week I have been considering discussing Star Trek (TNG): First Contact, it's my favorite. But we will see.